Historically, the families of the bride and groom had separate parties during the week preceding the wedding. One tradition in particular for the groom has stuck, even in America. A night or two before the wedding, along with the partying, eating, drinking, dancing and carrying-on, the groom also submits himself to a traditional groom’s haircut. Basically, while his family and friends are eating lamb and hummus and belly-dancing around him, the groom is center-stage (and by center stage, I mean sitting on a chair in the middle of the family room), while a family member - and not necessarily a licensed hairdresser - gives him a haircut and shave. The symbolism of this may not be immediately clear; but ancient Arabic lore (i.e. my grandmother says so) indicates that the purpose of the haircut and shave is to prepare the groom for his new life as a husband. Like that’s all you need…

As I mentioned, this tradition in particular has stuck in America. From the hills of San Jose, California, to the Middle Eastern cafes of Livonia, Michigan, to the sandy beaches of Jacksonville, Florida, Arabic families fiercely keep to the traditions of their ancestors from the Mother Land. On the night of the sahra, they sit that lucky groom down in that plastic-covered padded kitchen chair, drape him with a sheet or a kitchen towel, and snip away. And, since many Arab families have been living in America for several decades, many of their daughters are finding non-Arabs to marry. That minor detail does not stop the traditional sahra—and groom’s haircut--from happening. “Layla, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do!”

As weird, awkward and painfully embarrassing as that may seem, the boys have it easy. While the groom is getting a nice coiffure and possibly watching a few cute ladies belly dance around him (never-mind that they are probably his aunties and 13 year old cousin), the bride is facing her own harsh reality. Traditionally—and by traditionally, I mean several generations ago and for good reason that that era has died away-- the bride followed a certain ritual of preparation for her wedding. A night or two before her wedding, while the men were in the living room drinking and carrying on, she was having some girl-time with her mother and aunties in her room. They would mix the henna (a natural dye used for temporary tattoos) and create beautiful designs all over her hands and feet. While this is done seldom in the US, you can go to various Arab and Arab-speaking countries and find many women bearing the tell-tale signs of their new status of wifey by the fading henna designs on their hands and feet.

While the whole henna thing is kind of cute and charming, let me tell you what is NOT. Another tradition that was practiced by the bride is the removal of the body hair--and when I say removal of body hair, I mean REMOVAL OF ALL BODY HAIR—done by and/or in the presence of her mother, sisters, grandmother, future mother-in-law, future sisters-in-law, aunties, and any other female who happened to be passing by the bride’s room at that time. Nuff said. Let’s just say that not many people do this anymore, and if they do, it’s called the go-ALONE-to-your-monthly-appointment-with-Natasha-for-a-bikini-wax “ritual.”

Nowadays, many Arab families, particularly Palestinian families, have a sahra and incorporate the groom’s haircut, with both the bride and groom’s families in attendance. So it’s a huge, chaotic party on the night before the wedding. Complete with as much food as possible (basically any and every Arabic dish along with many random American dishes) served, because God forbid one of the guests crave, say, kafta (spiced ground beef with minced parsley and onions) or stuffed cabbage or even salisbury steak, and it’s not there. The result is complete humiliation for the family hosting the sahra, because they are completely responsible for every guest to have on their plate exactly what he/she craves for dinner. So the average sahra menu consists of the usual Arabic dishes: hummus, babbaganoush, rice with ground lamb, tabbouli, green bean salad, fattoush, lamb, and other meat and rice dishes. Then, depending on the family, the menu can get crazy with additional dishes-mansef (lamb in yogurt sauce), mahshi (stuffed squash, eggplant, zucchini and basically anything stuffable with a rice/lamb mixture), maftool (roasted chicken and orzo), kibbe, you name it. Then comes the American dishes: lasagna, ziti, tuna casserole, broccoli casserole (or any veggie casserole that incorporates Cream of Mushroom soup and fried onions), KFC, whatever.

And after the dinner, comes the haircut, then comes the dancing, which in my opinion is the fun part. If the family doesn’t hire an Arabic band, someone will bust out a tabla (clay drum covered in lamb skin) or the oud, or someone will pull out the Arabic music CDs. And basically after that, the whole place will be jumping. And when I say jumping, I say dancing and celebrating til the break-breaka dawn. Which is then followed the next day by the wedding…which is another story.